Forgive
by dimitrisgirl18
Summary: Draco searches for something to help him forgive himself. Astoria might be just what he needs. / For Jenna.


_Forgive_

* * *

When he first saw her, the sky was grey.

She stood, alone, in the back of the field, and never smiled. When he got closer, he noticed that her eyes were brimming with tears and her cheeks were red. Slowly, he moved toward where she stood in front of the coffins, jumping from conversation to conversation with the people he passed who would talk to him. Finally, he reached her.

"Hello," he said, offering her a gentle smile. She didn't smile back.

"Hello."

"Draco," he tried, this time extending his hand. She looked away. "What's wrong?"

She scoffed. "As if you would understand."

"Try me."

"My sister's dead. So is my dad."

Draco sucked in a breath. "I'm sorry."

"Yes, I've heard that before. But 'sorry' doesn't bring them back, so bugger off."

"Listen, you're not the only one who's suffering. And you don't have to be so single minded about it. We're rebuilding-"

"Bugger off!" she repeated, her voice rising to a shout.

He took a step back. "Okay. I'll, um. I'll leave. Unless you want to talk. Your owl can find me, I'm sure."

She glared at him scathingly. "Yeah, sure."

"I never caught your name."

"That's because I didn't give it to you." She turned away and stalked off towards an older woman standing even further back.

"Astoria," the woman said, and turning to her, buried her face in the girl's shoulders. Draco smiled in spite of the situation as they began the memorial service, and glanced back towards the ruins of a castle he called home.

Astoria.

The second time he saw her, she was wearing black. Her life seemed to be colored in varying shades of it. Grey sky. Black dress. Midnight chairs. Charcoal coffin. Even her hair seemed to be devoid of color. It was so blonde that it was almost white.

He watched from the back of the room as family members came in and out, viewing the two bodies on display and making small talk with Astoria and her mother.

"Tragedy, eh?" a man said, walking up to Draco.

"I'm sorry?"

"It's a tragedy. Poor Astoria's still got a year left at Hogwarts, and her mother out of a job. Daphne was their hope."

"What about, uh, Mr. Greengrass?"

The man raised his eyebrows. "You didn't know him?"

Draco straightened his tie. "No, I was a friend of Daphne's." It wasn't exactly a lie. She'd been in his house, after all.

"He was a drunk. No good. I'd say they're better off without him. Daphne, though; that girl was their ticket out." He shook his head and reached up to take off his hat. "What a shame." Just as Draco glanced toward Astoria, she locked eyes with him.

"Yes. If you'll excuse me, it was nice meeting you." Draco nodded hastily to the man and sidestepped around a young boy who was headed to the front of the room. He was almost to the door when she stopped him.

She put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around. "What are you doing here?"

"I, uh, I."

"That's what I thought."

"I just wanted to get to know you."

Astoria narrowed her eyes. "That's sort of creepy. What do you think I am, some kind of novelty? A girl you can play with while she's grieving and toss away when you get bored?"

"No, no!" He frowned. "Of course not."

She shook her head. "Okay. Then get to know me."

"What?"

"Get. To. Know. Me. Merlin, you'd think I wasn't speaking plain English. You can meet me at a café tomorrow, at five." She pulled a card out of one of the many flower bouquets and took a pen from the guestbook, then scribbled an address. "And that's 5 AM, just so you know." She tucked it in his pocket and walked back over to her mother.

Draco pulled out the card and stared at it. "I guess I'm going to get to know her," he mumbled, before he put the card away and turned on his heel, disapparating on the spot.

The third time he saw her was different then all the others: she was wearing blue, her house color. Of course, he'd had to rub his eyes a few times before he could actually see anything. Why she'd chosen to meet before the sun came up was beyond him, but he was still half asleep.

When he slid into the booth across from her, she was already halfway done with what looked like very strong coffee, and she was staring out the window. She didn't look at him when he sat down.

"Already awake, huh?" he asked, trying to catch her attention.

"I haven't gone to sleep since she died," she said, and it caught Draco so off guard that he didn't know what to say. She looked at him for the first time. "What, no deep and dark declaration of your own?"

He shrugged. "I feel personally responsible for your sister's death."

It seemed to be good enough for Astoria, and she went back to her coffee, watching the passersby outside the Muggle café. After a few minutes, she took the cup to a trash can and threw it away. While she was up, Draco noticed the drawings she had been doodling on her receipt: wands, faces, and dark black circles seemed to take up all the white space. She snatched it up before he had time to look away and notice she was back.

"And why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you feel responsible?"

Draco paused. To tell the truth, he wasn't quite sure. Eventually, he said "Because if I had done something, anything different…maybe she'd still be here." He was surprised by how true those words were.

"And why did you show up at the funeral?"

"Because I knew Daphne. She was in my house. We weren't friends, but…she talked about you. And I thought that I could, you know, make up for it if I got to know you."

"God, that's the lamest excuse I've ever heard." She jerked her head towards the door. "Come on, let's take a walk. Let me show you something."

Despite the fact that Draco felt like he was in way over his head, he went with her. They left the café, bell tingling overhead, and walked down the street until they were in front of a small shop. "What is this, the Muggle Honeydukes?" he asked, joking.

"Daphne and I used to come here when we were little. Dad would be angry at Mum, and she would tell Daph to take me down to the Muggle sweets shop, and buy us each a little bit with the money we found along the way. And we'd pick up the strange Muggle coins that they dropped on the ground, and we'd try to figure out what they were. Sometimes it took us hours to find a pence, but we always found something. And then we'd get our sweets, and by the time we were home, it'd all be over. Mum would be one worse for the wear, but we always got through."

Although he was glad that Astoria was opening up too, Draco felt like he had suddenly been submerged into her most private life, and he was starting to get uncomfortable. She turned to him.

"Why did Daphne talk about me?" she asked.

Clearing his throat, Draco hesitated before he answered. "She just did. Sometimes she'd mention you if we had class with the Ravenclaws. Or if we were talking about the other Purebloods in the school."

"I hate Purebloods," she said candidly. "They think they're everything. They can't realize that there's so much more than just blood. There's compassion, and kindness, and selflessness." Draco felt his cheeks getting hot. "Would you like a sweet?"

"Er, um, go ahead. I'll stay out here."

"Come on, this is part of the deal," Astoria said, suddenly grinning. "You come inside or this date is over."

"Okay, okay, fine. We're on a date?" He smiled back.

As Astoria opened the door to the shop, the sugary scents drifted out and Draco took a deep breath. "Well, that's what it's called when two people get to know each other. Hello, Jane!" she said to the woman behind the counter. Jane must have been in her fifties, and Draco figured they knew each other from when Astoria was small.

"What can I get for you, dears?" Jane asked, smiling at the two.

"My usual, Jane. Draco, what would you like?" Astoria ran her fingers across the glass display cases and turned toward the back wall, leaving Draco to pick something out.

"Er, whatever's good," he said. "I'll have that."

"Sure thing." Jane opened a bag to put the sweets in. "It's a bit early, Astoria, we've only just opened up to make the day's batch, so you'll be getting yesterday's. That alright?"

Astoria turned around and came back to the counter. "Of course." She set down a bag of pink sugar sweets. "These too, please."

While Astoria paid for the sweets, Draco looked around. The store was rather old, but it had a warm and pleasant atmosphere to it. He could see Astoria and Daphne, blissfully unaware of what was happening in their own home, buying sweets here and getting lost in a childhood wonderland.

"Ready to go, Draco?"

"Er, yeah."

"Thanks, Jane!"

The bell jingled again as they walked back onto the street, where they could just see the sun beginning to rise. Draco kept walking, but Astoria just stopped and looked up. "What is it?" he asked, confused.

She didn't respond at first, but then she took a couple steps forward and grabbed his hand, shocking him. He jumped, and she laughed. "Wanna go watch the sun rise?"

"Uh, sure? Hey, where are we—okay."

Astoria pulled him down the street rather quickly. "We can't miss it, duh." She rounded a corner and he almost tripped, but she kept going. They ended up at a small grassy patch right outside another café. She let go of his hand and sat down on the grass. "Well, come on. It's almost up."

Draco couldn't help but grin a little bit, even if his arm was sore. He sat down next to her, trying desperately to avoid any grass stains, and leaned back on his hands. For miles, all he could see was grass and trees. The sun began to peak over the tops of the pines, and the sky's colors faded from pink to murky morning blue.

She sighed. "Sunrise is always over too fast." As she tipped her head back and laid down, Draco fiddled with his jacket button. "Why?" she asked.

He blinked, and said "Why what? Didn't we do this already?"

"Yeah, but you weren't telling the truth."

"I absolutely was!" he replied, indignant.

She pulled one of the pink sugar bits out of the bag and popped it into her mouth. "No, you weren't," she said, talking around it. "I can tell when you're lying. It's practically ingrained into me as a Ravenclaw. I can spot people talking bull from miles away."

As much as he hated to admit it, she was right. "I…I don't know. I don't know why I'm here. I thought you were beautiful, I guess."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And there's more to that sentence, although I'm quite flattered." Astoria grinned.

"And I wanted to make amends," he blurted out, before he could stop himself. "I was so, so wrong. And I did the wrong thing and I messed up; Merlin did I mess up; and you were alone and so was I and I guess I thought in some twisted sense that we could just make it better. That if you forgave me I would be forgiven. I would forgive myself."

He expected her to be furious, or to leave, or at least to be mad at him. Instead, she just said "I believe you." She held out the bag of sweets to him. "Wanna piece?"

"Um, sure."

She chewed her piece, and then swallowed. "You know, my house likes to say that wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure. But honestly, that's a bloody lie. You can have wit all you want, but if you don't have the truth you're not going to get anywhere. You have to be honest with people." She paused. "And with yourself."

"That might be sacrilege," Draco said, a small smile creeping onto his face. "You'll get kicked out of Ravenclaw."

"Not true," said Astoria, pointing at him. "Because I'm bloody clever."

"I guess."

She smirked, but within a few minutes, the look was gone from her face. It was replaced by a blank sort of contemplation. "You know," she said. "I'm just…really tired. I'm so tired."

"Well, you haven't slept for a while."

"Not that, you git. I'm tired of everything that's happened. I'm tired of the war, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of people dying. And I'm tired of people not being honest." She raised an eyebrow at him. "So thank you. For being honest."

Draco inhaled, then exhaled. "You're welcome."

"And you don't need my forgiveness, you know. You've already got it. You only have to forgive yourself now." She popped another piece of the pink bits into her mouth.

He looked up at the sky, now a disgustingly bright blue. Astoria might have had a point. The war, the fighting, the dying—it was all in the past. He couldn't change what he did. But he could change what he was going to do with himself; with his life. He needed to change, that was for sure—but if he could, he might just learn to be okay with himself again.

"You're right, Astoria. Thank you, for…" Draco trailed off. Astoria's eyes were closed, and her breathing was evening out. She had fallen asleep, miraculously. He chuckled. "Finally."

He was going to learn to be okay, and he wanted this spunky, clever Ravenclaw with the pink sweets and the strong coffee to be right next to him.

(But he was going to let her sleep for a while first.)

* * *

_A/N: This story was written for the Gift-Giving Extravaganza, for Jenna (whirlwinds of watercolors), for the pairing Draco/Ravenclaw!Astoria and the prompt broken. Sorry that it's so incredibly horrifically late, but better late than never!_

_Thank you to my beta and one true cuddle buddy, teddylupin-snape, who braved naptime to help me out._

_Reviews are much appreciated if you would kindly stop by the review button. Have a lovely day full of all the things you're wanting and needing._

_Allie_


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